This time of year, you can pop into pretty much any mommy-group and hear the refrains of, “What are your favorite Christmas traditions?” “How are you celebrating this year?” and “I need to start some traditions for my family!”. According to my completely unscientific and unresearched guess, “Christmas traditions with kids” is one of the top 3 Pinterest searches in November.
I’m willing to bet that blood pressure medication sales spike about now, too, because the pressure we put on ourselves to make Christmas magical is enormous. We’re convinced that our childhoods were magical fairy tales of smooth-running routines and happy kids, so we have to create that for our kids. Take a few minutes and go call your mom and ask her about that one. 😉
I LOVE family traditions. I think they are fun, they bond families together, they create shared memories, and they build a sense of security. But if I’m honest, the real reason I love them is because I don’t have to figure out what we’re going to do all the time! So I’m here to offer my best advice on building family traditions.
The hard way to build family traditions: “Right now I need to know everything we’re going to do for the holidays every year!”
The easy way to build family traditions: “Oh, that sounds fun. Let’s give it a try.”
SIMPLE IS BETTER. Always.
Here’s my advice for creating traditions in your family. (Remember that my qualifications for giving parenting advice include having children and a blog and that’s about it. So take it for what it’s worth)
1. Every family is different
The thing about family traditions is that they’re just for your family. They don’t have to wow your friends on Facebook, or make your mom group think you’ve got it all together, or impress your in-laws. They don’t even have to fit a list of rules a random mom-blogger tries to give you. 😉 Your family has its own unique blend of beliefs, age and number of family members, schedules, and resources. Trying to force other people’s traditions into your family is not going to be fun or meaningful for anyone. You do you, friends.
2. Consider the big picture
My husband and I believe it’s important to teach our kids about Jesus’ birth and what it means for us today, so we try to maintain that focus through all our traditions. We talk about the season of Advent – waiting for Jesus to come – as we open our calendar each day and recreate the story with our nativity scenes. We listen to Christmas hymns in the house and the car and participate in seasonal activities with our church. When my son asked about Santa’s naughty and nice list, I replied with “Yep. Santa only brings toys to kids who are good. That’s not like Jesus, is it? Aren’t we thankful that we get His gift even though we’re not always good? Santa is awesome but even he’s not as good as Jesus!” So think – what is your goal this season? Teaching your kids about Jesus? Family time? Giving to others? Just getting through? I’m not saying everything has to be super meaningful and intentional – “having fun” is an excellent goal! But when you get overwhelmed with it all, stop and think, “What am I trying to accomplish here? Is this helping my kids? Would anything be lost if I just let it go?”
Considering the big picture also means considering our children’s ages and ability levels. A tradition that might be really meaningful to an 8 or 9 year old or even a 5 yr old – say an outdoor, walk-through living nativity that your church puts on – will just be cold and frustrating if your kids are 3, 2, and 1 month old. It might even produce tears and regret. Ask me how I know 🙂 Traditions will be just as meaningful if they begin when your child is 10. Or 17. No need to rush it. One of my favorite family traditions is the adults drawing names and exchanging Christmas gifts based on a theme and we started that when I was 35. (I know it’s hard to believe I’m over 35, but I am. Barely.)
3. Keep it simple
Traditions are great because you do them every year. That’s why they’re traditions. So if you start a complicated, time-consuming, lots-of-prep, Mama-ends-up-doing-all-the-work tradition, you’re going to have to find the energy to do that every year. Even years when you’re pregnant or sick or have 3 science projects due or are renovating your house or your friends have moved in or your kids are going through one of those sullen stages or you haven’t slept in 6 years. I’m just saying, think about the future. Are you going to want to do this every year ad nauseum? Recently, my kids have gotten over their fear of the Elf on the Shelf so he’s begun visiting us. About 80% of the time he moves around in the house and that’s it. (The other 20% are the times I forget to move him and have to come up with a story about how he must have fallen asleep because he was so comfy) This mama has no artsy Pinterest skills and trying to stage elaborate scenes would drive me out of my mind and our elf would end up doing that “he broke his leg and can’t move for a week” thing and then it would probably be, “He’s worried about malaria so he has to stay in this tent until Christmas” or something. We are simple elf people.
Every year my kids and I drive around and look at the Christmas lights. It started when I only had toddlers and it was dark and I needed to get OUT OF THE HOUSE. We don’t go anywhere special, just get in the car and drive around to see what we see. Then one year I discovered that at Starbucks you can get a kids’ hot chocolate, lukewarm, for $1 so we added that to our trip. Another year I found a “light scavenger hunt” online where all I had to do was print it out and hand my kids a pencil. Added. It’s fun, we can fit it in anytime, and it requires little to no prep or clean up from me. That’s an O’Dell kind of tradition right there!
4. It should make you happy
Your attitude is the most important factor in making a tradition successful. So if you love it – do it. If you don’t – trash it. Yes, I know, the point of traditions is that we do them every year. But if it’s stressing you out and making your life harder, let it go. Consider this your official permission. We have limited space in our lives – use it to do things that matter to you. Traditions should be fun, not just work.
I have friends who, unlike me, are super creative and love staging elf scenes. If you are one of those people, you should do it! If you love decorating your house, do it! If it makes you happy to see piles of beautifully wrapped presents under the tree, please do it! (On my child’s last birthday, I used Target bags as tissue paper so clearly I’m not one of those people…) Just because I’m not good at these things doesn’t mean you shouldn’t do them.
I love baking cookies and am an extrovert who loves getting to know people. So we make cookies and deliver them to the neighbors, which is definitely something you should only do if you really love it. Before I started, I had no idea how much work this was going to be. At the time I had 3 boys – 3.5, 2.5, and 1 month. (Yes, it was the same year I attempted the living nativity. It was my first year in Winchester and I was feeling all the pressure to create traditions now that we were settled into a home. This is the year I learned all of the wise lessons I’m passing on to you now.) Here’s a glimpse into how it went:
5. Pick one
Some great traditions are a lot of work, but worth it. Pick ONE work-heavy tradition you feel is important and focus on it. That’s what I’ve done with the neighbor cookies. It’s still really hard, but we’re learning a little more about how to make it work every year, and it’s important enough to me to keep trying. Make your other things super simple. If you want to have multiple big traditions, then pick one new thing per year. Give it time. The first year of trying something is always the hardest because things NEVER go exactly as you expected, right? You don’t have to create all your traditions at one time.
In our social media world, it’s easy to feel the pressure to do ALL THE THINGS and make ALL THE MEMORIES and create ALL THE MAGIC for our kids. That’s crazy. Christmas, childhood, families…they’re plenty magical enough all on their own. We’re better off when we step back, relax, and enjoy the season together. Your traditions should make the holidays better, not more stressful. Remember that no one is keeping score of how many things you do (not even those friends “liking” your pictures on Facebook, I promise), but your kids are noticing when you’re genuinely enjoying being with them. That’s what makes them feel loved and secure. Merry Christmas everyone!
A previous version of this post appeared on WinchesterMoms here.