I have this image of what a Christian – especially a Christian woman – is supposed to look like. She is neatly but plainly put together, has a long row of quiet home-schooled children trailing behind her, and quietly blends into the background, getting everything done without speaking. When she does speak, her words are wise and calm and everyone listens.
I am not this woman.
I roll up into church looking like a hot mess (makeup? shower? what’s that?) and my children take off running down the side hallway. Every. Week. I’m loud, rarely serious, and often frantic – very little about me is calm and I do not blend into any background.
Even outside of the church, I rarely feel the way I think people are “supposed” to feel. I don’t like traveling or being outside. I like single stuff Oreos, unfrosted Pop-Tarts, Nickelback, and comic sans. I enjoy icebreaker games and small talk. I don’t mind public speaking. I don’t like long walks on the beach, pina coladas, or being caught in the rain.
When I read Colossians 3:12-17, I started to despair:
“Put on then, as God’s chosen ones, holy and beloved, compassionate hearts, kindness, humility, meekness, and patience, bearing with one another and, if one has a complaint against another, forgiving each other, as the Lord has forgiven you, so you must also forgive. And above all these put on love, which binds everything together in perfect harmony. And let the peace of Christ rule in your hearts, to which indeed you were called in one body. And be thankful. Let the word of Christ dwell in you richly, teaching and admonishing one another in all wisdom, singing psalms and hymns and spiritual songs, with thankfulness in your hearts to God. And whatever you do, in word or deed, do everything in the name of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks to God the Father through him”
This passage is full of commands, and in my desire to learn what I should be doing, it’s easy to skip over the reminder of who I am that Paul includes at the beginning – “God’s chosen ones, holy and beloved”. It’s no accident that Paul, with the inspiration of the Spirit, puts that at the beginning. Our identity and position in Christ is not based on if we obey the commands perfectly – we are already holy and beloved. That is who we are, before any of the other things. We do not become holy or beloved by being compassionate, kind, humble, patient, etc. But because we are already holy and beloved by God, we can be those things.
When I read through this quickly, I picture that church girl again, start praying that God will give me the strength to be her, and try and will myself to fit into a box of my own creation. But if I really study it, I realize that God is interested in my heart – not my personality or how I appear to others. Could I be loud and have a compassionate heart? Sure. Can I be outgoing and kind? Yep. Can I stand up and teach in front of a group with humility? Definitely possible. I can be patient and forgiving and loving and thankful all within the personality God has given me. (For an interesting side lesson on the word “meekness” in this passage, look here)
Psalm 139:13-14 says “For you formed my inward parts; you knitted me together in my mother’s womb. I praise you for I am fearfully and wonderfully made. Wonderful are your works; my soul knows it very well.” You see, I may feel out of place and like I’m getting it all wrong, but God created me. He knows what he’s doing. He doesn’t mess up. The truth of who God is is bigger than my feelings of insecurity – I get things wrong, but He doesn’t. 1 Corinthians 12 is one of several Bible passages that remind us how important it is for us to have different gifts
“Now there are varieties of gifts, but the same Spirit; and there are varieties of service, but the same Lord; and there are varieties of activities, but it is the same God who empowers them all in everyone. To each is given the manifestation of the Spirit for the common good…. For the body does not consist of one member but of many. If the foot should say, “Because I am not a hand, I do not belong to the body”, that would not make it any less a part of the body.”
Paul is reminding us of the Trinity by mentioning Spirit, Lord (Jesus), and God. The diversity of our gifts, and the way we should use them to work together for a common good, are a reflection of the three parts of our one God – three roles working together as one for good. God gave us all different gifts because we need people with all different gifts. We grow together when we work together.
There is a distinction here between personality/gifts and heart attitudes. Our hearts are all the same – sinful by nature – but when we have the Holy Spirit we can all be loving, joyful, peaceful, patient, kind, good, faithful, gentle, and self-controlled. (The fruits of the Spirit, found in Galatians 5:22-23). Throughout the Bible, the commands to choose these heart attitudes are addressed to all Christians. But the passages about gifts encourage us to celebrate our differences.
I’m 41 now, which I used to assume was “middle-aged”, but now realize is more in the “young adult” range ;). One thing I’ve noticed is how much more comfortable I am now being the person God created me to be. Accepting my gifts and personality as God-given, rather than self-taught, has freed me to serve the way God intended. For instance, I’ve recently come to believe that God has gifted me in writing and teaching, and that he’s calling me to that right now, which is one of the things that gave me the courage to start this blog 🙂 It also allows me to say, “I enjoy teaching, and I would love to teach when the opportunity arises” instead of my old attitude which was “I better not volunteer to do something because people might think I’m being cocky – I should wait until others encourage me or ask me to do it and let myself be ‘dragged’ into it”. (There’s another whole lesson to be found here on handling your gifts with humility which I won’t go into, but the flip side of this coin is remembering that there are other people with my gifts that I can and should learn from. I don’t have the market cornered.)
While I’m learning to see myself as a person beloved by God and created by Him with certain gifts – not just trying to fit an image of what I think I “should” be – I’m learning to see other people that way as well. It’s easier to recognize gifts in others and love them the way God made them as well. I believe one of the best ways we can encourage each other is with sincere compliments – when you notice that someone has a gift, tell them.
I hope that you can learn to see yourself as God does – a beloved child, created with special gifts for a purpose – and that you can encourage others around you to do the same. Building each other up with truth instead of false platitudes will result in growth not only for individuals, but for the body of Christ as well.
P.S. – This summer I did an amazing study on Colossians and got to put my money where my mouth is when the teacher asked if anyone else would like to teach a week during the summer. It felt weird volunteering, but since I felt like God was calling me to it, I did it, and I’m so glad. I enjoyed it and learned a lot about myself in the process. And talk about learning from other people with your gifts – my friend Lisa did an amazing job leading the study! I actually got to teach on this passage, but I focused on the “teaching and admonishing” phrase. You can listen to it here if you like – and the links to the other lessons are there as well.