Y’all have heard the jokes about how differently you treat your first kid from the others, right? Well, they’re funny because they’re true. When my first child was a baby, I noticed some redness around his mouth after lunch, FREAKED OUT that he was having an allergic reaction, and immediately called the doctor. The doctor’s office was closed for lunch, so being the reasonable person that I am I loaded my infant in my car and parked myself in the doctor’s waiting room until they came back from lunch and announced that I had an emergency. The woman looked at my perfectly calm baby sitting in his carrier and said, “Do you have an appointment?” I was like, “NO BUT I THINK HE’S HAVING AN ALLERGIC REACTION!!!” Again, she seemed confused and said, “Is he breathing?” “Well, yes, of course he is. But don’t you see his face? I think that’s a rash!” She was very kind and got me in to the doctor who said, “Did he have strawberries for lunch?” and wiped the red off of his face. I think the most noteworthy part of this story is that I continued to go back to the same doctor instead of slinking off to another pediatrician three counties over.
But the thing is …..you just don’t know when it’s your first baby. Even if you’ve worked with kids since you were 12, been an elementary school teacher for eleven years, and are sure you know it all, you have no idea what you’re doing. Because this is your baby and he’s precious and perfect and all you want is to get it right. Later, when you have more babies, you’re going to think, “Why didn’t I leave the house more when he was little? Newborns are so portable and easy!” but if you’ve never gotten a child through the newborn stage successfully you think, “There are germs out there. I would need to pack diapers and wipes and bottles and burp cloths and bibs and blankets and toys and hand sanitizer and extra clothes and shoes in case he suddenly learns to walk and pacifiers and creams and medicines and a thermometer and a nose-squeegie thingie and extra clothes for me and my wallet and my keys and my phone and the car seat and the carrier and the stroller. I need to make sure that he has a clean diaper, a full belly, sunscreen, his cutest outfit, and it’s not anywhere near one of his four daily naps. It’s probably best if we don’t go visit that neighbor today.” So you stay home, consult your latest BabyCenter email, stick your child in a bouncy seat and wave spices under his nose to “stimulate” him. (Several kids in I quit reading BabyCenter emails. I did not, however, quit receiving them. Ever. 30 years from now I’m going to be getting an email with the subject “Your 36 Year Old This Week: Applying for a Mortgage”). Which is why I am not – nor will I ever be – mocking new mamas in any way. I am sure that God designed us this way because it’s how we learn best. He’s got a sense of humor, though, that’s for sure!
So I’ve rounded up a few real-life examples, straight from my non-Pinterest-worthy life, to show you what I mean. The most surprising part is, despite the fact that I did things so differently with each child, they’re all awesome kids and doing well. I think maybe I’m giving myself too much credit when I worry that I’m going to ruin them forever if I make a mistake. God’s got them, and he’s using me in spite of myself.
Meal Time
When I went to find this picture, I uncovered an album called "Logan Eats!" with 55 pictures and a video full of encouragement, insights, and spoon choices
With my first two boys, I had a chart that I got from the pediatrician telling me which foods to introduce when. I wasn’t strict about it, but I loved having someone else tell me what to do! Also, there were things like bibs and high chair covers and documentation of those first meals.
I distinctly remember the day I first gave my 3rd child solid food. It was a random day when I thought, “Hey, he’s probably about the right age to do this?” So I handed my 3 year old my phone to document it and gave him some kind of baby food . My husband walked by and said, “Did you use the chart?” Y’all. I literally had NO IDEA what he was talking about. I said, “What chart?” He reminded me of the “what to feed them when” chart and said, “How did you decide which food to give him?” I said, “Um….I let his brothers pick?”
Diaper Bags
2013 was a big year for my family. I have a brother and a sister, and that year all 3 of us had a baby. It was my sister’s 3rd baby, my 2nd, and my brother’s 1st. We were together at Christmas and loving all the cousins getting to play together! Sunday we loaded up to go church. When we got there, I realized that my sister-in-law had a monogrammed, fully stocked diaper bag for her baby (first kid). I had a plastic bag with some diapers, a bottle, and a change of clothes for mine (second kid). My sister looked at us and said, “Oh, I guess I should have brought something for the baby. She can use your diapers, right?” (third kid)
Toys
First Kid
Look at that. A train table with a nice train track all set up. With trains - aka the appropriate toys for the situation - and a sippy cup of water just in case they're thirsty. With a nicely Instagrammed photo.
Fourth Kid
Sweet n Low packets.
Clothes optional.
Binky all day.
Snacks on the Deck
First Kid
Tomatoes, cucumbers, peppers, homemade hummus
Fourth Kid
"Here's a jug of animal crackers!"
3rd Kid "Monogramming"
But, really, how are first time mamas supposed to know what to do? All of a sudden you’re responsible for this tiny, seemingly fragile human being who needs ALL THE THINGS and you’re bombarded with messages telling you to GET IT RIGHT OR ELSE. Plus Google. Oh Google, we love you but you’re scary. So yes, that red spot could be a strawberry stain or brain cancer. Or one of a million things in between. How are you supposed to know the difference? You can’t, that’s how. So you keep on doing you, mama, however you can. They’re going to be ok – 1st kid, 3rd kid, 8th kid, whatever – because you love them and you’re trying. You can’t ask for more than that.
An earlier version of this post appeared on Winchester-Moms here.
This Post Has 15 Comments
I don’t know know how or why I get the Baby Center emails though!!
I have totally thought the same thing! I think I might have signed up for weekly pregnancy updates? And once you are in, they do NOT let you go! 😂
I laughed so hard, because you have described me raising our four children! You were best friends with the first very carefully raised one.
And they’re all four fantastic, right? And you survived it? 😉 I feel like every day that I just make it through is a victory… I love hearing from people who have survived it! 🤣
All so true!!! 😂😂😂
I know you feel me 😂
Spot on. Oh I forgot about those lovely baby center emails!! True story: today at a doctors appointment for myself with 3 kids I was handing out lollipops and 3rd child started crying because he wanted one too. I seriously debated giving then11 month old one – I would have never done that with the first! 🤣
I totally remember this happening with Eva! She was probably that age and I just gave it to her 😂 I remember thinking, “I think the boys were a LOT older than this when I gave them lollipops….”
So so true – all of it!!
I have had so much Mom guilt for doing things so differently with my second….Thanks for this! Makes me feel normal!
I have had so much Mom guilt for doing things so differently with my second….Thanks for this! Makes me feel normal!
Girl. They’re fiiiiiinnnne. Everyone is just fine. 😂 You’re doing a great job! You’re just in new baby fog right now.
Sounded like you were talking about my Brandie💕 this is her mom😘I couldn’t stop laughing 😂
Brandie and I have basically the same life story – same age, married at the same time, kids the same ages (except, of course, I did none of it in a foreign country)… I am so thankful for her going through all this craziness with me!! You raised a great one!
The “monogrammed” bag killed me!