Last year was my first year as a Cub Scout mama. We had a great experience, although it is a lot of work and commitment. Exactly like parenting. But the Scouts get badges and awards for everything they accomplish and they get to wear them proudly, showing everyone that they have, in fact, accomplished a lot during their time. Guess what kids? Mama wants awards, too! I want to be recognized for all of the things I do each day that no boss ever sees and pats me on the back for. So I’ve decided to found the Mom Scouts.
At Mom Scouts, we get together, serve chocolate, and hand out badges for surviving the little things in motherhood. The things that, by themselves, seem like not such a big deal, but when added all up, threaten to drown us. (You get a badge the first time you complete an accomplishment, and bonus stars for each time you do it thereafter. We give out lots of stars.) We wear those badges proudly so the world knows we did, in fact, accomplish something today. Here are some of the badges available. Let me know what to add – at Mom Scouts, we all contribute ideas because we know that mom brain is real and it takes all of us to pull this off.
Hi, Mama is your welcome badge. You get it for becoming a Mama. Because you worked hard to get here. Whether you went through the grueling nine months of pregnancy and labor, the gut-wrenching waiting and uncertainty of adoption, or however you got here – it wasn’t easy. Becoming a mama is the beginning of a long adventure, but it’s the end of an era, too. So welcome to Mom Scouts! We have plenty of other mamas, with all different levels of experience and every situation you can imagine, here to walk this new road with you!
The Blowout badge is the one no one wants and everyone gets. Those of us, like me, with weak stomachs do not like to talk about or relive them often (although I have an epic story. I just can’t bring myself to tell it.). It’s a fact of life, though – with kids comes poop. Lots of it. Sometimes it doesn’t stay in the diaper. And when you’re the mom, the buck stops with you. There is no “adultier adult” who knows how to handle the situation that you can just hand the baby off to. All you can do is dive in with wipes, bleach, trash bags, nose plugs, and courage. Once you have done that, and come out the other side, you have EARNED your badge. So wear it proudly, mama!
You earn the Surfboard badge when your kid has an epic meltdown in Target and you have to carry him kicking and screaming under your arm out the door while people give you pitying and/or judgemental looks. It’s like carrying a surfboard that’s trying to get away.
The other Mom Scouts see you there. They’re the ones yelling “You’re doing a great job, Mama!” while rushing to Starbucks to grab a coffee to hand you in the car after you finish the mighty wrestling match that is buckling a child into a car seat who does not want to be buckled. Because we know. We know that he’s melting down because his sister breathed his air or you wouldn’t let him lick the floor or he just realized he wasn’t wearing his swim goggles. We know that you have tried all of the mom tricks and at this point all you can do is ride it out and try again next time. We know because we’re wearing the badge, too.
You earn your straight face badge when you don’t laugh an an inappropriate time. My second kid is the one who makes this hard for me. He regularly bursts out into song and dance routines in the middle of a lecture about how he shouldn’t be hitting his brother. When he was just two years old, and I told him hitting his brother wasn’t funny he grinned at me, cocked his head, put his finger and thumb close together and said, “It’s a liiiiitle bit funny!”. I couldn’t help it. I burst out laughing. I didn’t earn my badge that day!
You can also earn this badge by staying attentive during one of the never-ending stories. The ones with all the details of everything they’ve ever seen or thought and the same thing repeated over and over. It’s the repetition that gets me. It takes a special kind of God-given mama patience to make it to the end of one of those stories without saying, “Skip to the end!! Skip to the end!!” Those stories are the reason that when I tuck my oldest in bed at night, I say, “Shhhh. Ok. No more words today. Mama’s heard all the words she can hear today. I can hear more words tomorrow”.
This is an actual picture of my 2-yr old telling me it was "a little bit funny" when he hit his brother. Could you have kept a straight face?!?!
The Quarterback badge celebrates one of those parenting milestones that no one tells you about, but experienced mamas can tell you is a game-changer. It’s the day you realize you can pass something to your child in the backseat without looking. Once your child is big enough to be forward-facing, has long enough arms, and the coordination to catch whatever random treasures you throw their way, road trips get much more enjoyable. Even trips to the grocery store are suddenly not such a chore. You can just toss those snacks back there and quiet the natives.
By the time you’ve earned this badge, you’ve been through YEARS of crying and fighting in the backseat where your only recourse is to ineffectively say “hush now” as if that was going to do any good or turn the music up. You’ve earned this badge, Mama. Wear it proudly.
Oh, the witching hour. You know what I’m talking about. From about 4:00 until dinner time, all bets are off with the 5 & under crowd. The end of the day exhaustion and hunger brings meltdowns, fights, and an insatiable desire to be held RIGHT NOW and not put down ever. Which just happens to coincide with the time that dinner needs to be made, older kids are getting home from school and transitioning to after-school activities, the house is at its messiest, and stay-at-home-wives everywhere are stalking their front windows begging their husbands to pull into the driveway. This is the time of day where every minute feels like 15. A call from your husband saying he’s stuck in traffic and will be 10 minutes late feels like some sort of medieval torture.
Which is why that any day you stay calm and get something accomplished during this time you get a badge. They’re hard to come by, witching hour badges. When you see a fellow Mom Scout wearing one, you know she’s been through the trenches and come out the other side. She’s one to go to for wisdom and advice.
The blind eye is a veteran mom move. It’s when you pretend like you don’t notice something your kid does so you don’t have to deal with it. It takes some practice, because kids do really ridiculous things and the key to pulling off the blind eye is not to react in any way. It has to seem as if you really didn’t know what was happening. (This is not the same thing as “lying”. Totally different. One is a violation of the Ten Commandments, the other is a legit parenting survival tactic.) When you’re the mama, the buck stops with you all day long and sometimes you just want to pass off a little of that responsibility to someone else. Let me show you some ways it can be useful:
*Daddy gets home* “Oh, honey, I just realized that the baby has a stinky diaper and I’m right in the middle of fixing dinner. Could you please change her?”
“What?!?!? You guys snuck the bag of cookies in here and have been quietly in the other room eating the whole thing while I was folding laundry and catching up on my show? You know you’re not supposed to have treats right before dinner!”
“I’m so sorry – I had no idea it was ‘dress like your favorite book character day’ at school! I wish I had remembered to make you a costume!”
“I did not realize my son spilled his juice on my only clean shirt before I left the house in it! I’m so embarrassed. If only I had noticed I would have changed into one of the many other clean, cute, folded clothes that are just sitting and waiting in my drawer.”
The blind eye goes hand-in-hand with the “don’t ask, don’t tell” move. You know the one – when your kids are being so quiet and you tell yourself “Isn’t it great how nicely my kids are playing? I’m just going to get a few things done instead of checking on them because I love their creativity and independence in playing together without me.” 100% of the time this results in a gigantic mess. 90% of the time it’s worth it.
**UPDATE** Two hours after I wrote this, I got cocky. I thought I could pull off the blind eye. We were FaceTiming with my nephew. My son is normally absolutely bonkers during a FaceTime session, but this time he was standing quietly behind me even though the camera was on his younger brother and sister. I chose to think, “Oh, look. He’s finally understanding how to FaceTime”. Until his big brother pointed out that he was CUTTING MY HAIR!!! So yeah. I’m returning this badge. I’ll try again another time.
Every now and then, a MomScout will earn the elusive “Nailed It” badge. You earn this badge when something goes as planned. Because it’s so hard to earn, there are many ways to get it and it’s up to your leader to decide when you qualify. Some examples would be:
- Made something that ended up looking like it did on Pinterest
- Remembered every day of Spirit Week
- Packed the correct number of outfits on vacation
- Your kids did their chores or used their words without being reminded
- Served 3 healthy meals on the same day, and your kids ate them
- Knew how to do your 5th grader’s math homework
- Left Target with everything on your list and nothing else
- Used up the vegetables and/or leftovers in the refrigerator before they went bad
- Played a family game that ended well
- Got caught up on laundry (hahahahahahahahahahahahahaha)
- Captured a family picture with everyone looking at the camera and smiling
- Stayed awake through a grown-up movie
Once I went with my parents to see my little brother play in one of his high school football games. My brother got hurt in that game and was lying on the field while the medical staff checked him out. (He blew out a knee – I gave him some Midol when he got home because it was the only pain reliever I could find and he eventually got better.) My mother sat in the stands next to me, watching from her seat, and did not run down out onto the field demanding to see her baby. She earned her Restraint badge that day. You have to make a very intentional choice when you earn this one, because it goes against all of our natural instincts. My brother is the youngest of my 3 siblings, so my mom had enough experience under her belt to know what he would say if she went down there.
I’m not sure I’m ever going to earn this one. Back when I was a good mom I knew that kids had to learn from their mistakes and solve problems themselves. But then I had actual children. Precious children that should not be messed with or experience pain. EVER. Children that I would, without a second thought, run out in front of a speeding truck for to push them out of the way.* So not stepping in and fixing things for them? That’s hard. It starts young, too. My daughter wanted to start dressing herself before she was 2 years old. Do you know how long it takes an 18 month old to put on a pair of leggings? Me neither. Because no one has that much time. But now I have to force myself to sit back and let her dress herself. If that sounds easier than not running down on the football field when your child is hurt, then I would invite you to come over any morning and help her get ready. Standing back and watching your child learn to do hard things or solve their own problems is simultaneously one of the most difficult and important parts of parenting. So take your badge, Mama!
*If you’re ever talking to my husband about this, and he happens to mention that one little time I saw a snake and ran away, leaving my toddler behind, then please remind him that a) it was just a black snake, so I knew he wasn’t in danger; b) he was there too; and c) the kid is seven now and he’s fine. So let it go already.
This is the one, Mamas. The one we’re all working towards and fighting against at the same time. This is the one where we put the “get a star every time you do it” rule to good use, because parenting is basically getting this beautiful baby and then slowly letting go for the next 18 years. Some moms earn their first badge when they leave their baby for the first time. Others earn it just by letting someone else dress them or give them a bottle. Every year, you’ll have to let go in new ways: send them to school/sports/playdates without you, let them choose what they wear and what they eat, give them the responsibility for assignments without double-checking everything, watch them drive on their own, move them into college or their own home…. it’s as much a constant of this motherhood gig as how much you love them. But we’ve got this. Whether you can’t wait to push them a little farther or you’re having a hard time loosening your grip, the MomScouts are here for you and ready to award you for a job well done!
This Post Has 7 Comments
I’m owed several straight face badges….
I’ll bring the chocolate! I’m pretty sure I can guess which one of your children helped you earn them too… 🙂
“I can’t believe she told everyone she gave me Midol!” – William
Hahahahahaha that made me chuckle!
😂😂 I put that in there just for him!
I laughed out loud. Great post!!
These badges are on point! 😂
I’m not sure what to call this one…it goes along the lines of restraint…but not blowing your top whenever a disrespectful attitude comes out and all “blank, blank, blank” threatens to break loose. 🤣 I know I’ve earned this one several times over with my oldest. 😬 Also, I’ve earned my fair share of Blind Eye badges. 😉