It’s Day 10 of staying home and the uncertainty is really getting to me today. Not knowing what is coming or how long it will last unnerves me and makes me feel unsettled. And, of course, there’s those four children that have been with me 24/7 for all of those days…it’s not exactly a calm, comforting scene around here. It’s more like a circus with a monkey for a ringleader. There are no schedules, learning, or clean clothes.
Honestly, I have not been using this time to dig into the Word and get closer to God either. I’ve been neglecting the one thing that can actually help me through. So today at quiet time I sat down with my Bible. I’ll admit I had to force myself to do it. I wanted to fold laundry, start dinner, research homeschool lesson plans….who am I kidding? I wanted to take a nap. But I reluctantly opened up my Bible to John 6, because that’s where we are in our community group study and I didn’t know where else to start. I read the familiar story of the feeding of the 5,000 and kept going. But when I went back to take some notes, that familiar story stopped me in my tracks. God was speaking to me and showing me exactly what I needed RIGHT NOW. It is amazing how he does that, isn’t it? The Word of God is living and never returns void…
John 6:2-13 (ESV)
“…a large crowd was following him, because they saw the signs he was doing on the sick. Jesus went up on the mountain, and there he sat down with his disciples. Now the Passover, the feast of the Jews, was at hand. Lifting up his eyes, then, and seeing that a large crowd was coming toward him, Jesus said to Philip, “Where are we to buy bread, so that these people may eat?” He said this to test him, for he himself knew what he would do. Philip answered him, “Two hundred denarii worth of bread would not be enough for each of them to get a little.” One of his disciples, Andrew, Simon Peter’s brother, said to him, “There is a boy here who has five barley loaves and two fish, but what are they for so many?” Jesus said, “Have the people sit down.” Now there was much grass in the place. So the men sat down, about five thousand in number. Jesus then took the loaves, and when he had given thanks, he distributed them to those who were seated. So also the fish, as much as they wanted. And when they had eaten their fill, he told his disciples, “Gather up the leftover fragments, that nothing may be lost” So they gathered them up and filled twelve baskets with fragments from the five barley loaves left by those who had eaten.”
The first thing I noticed was how much I relate to Andrew here. “What are (five loaves and two fish) for so many?” But Jesus takes the little bit the crowd has to offer and multiplies it until it’s enough. This could not describe me more. Daily I say to God, “I am just me!!! What good am I for four children?” It’s the same thing God does for Gideon in Judges 6. In one of my favorite verses, God tells Gideon, “Go in the strength you have” (Judges 6:14) This is one of those verses that I cling to every day. Every moment I have to remember to give God the little bit of strength, patience, and wisdom that I have and let him multiply it so it’s enough.
But there’s something else that struck me in this story. It tells us that “(Jesus) himself knew what he would do”, but John also makes a point to mention that “there was much grass in the place”. Jesus had gone up to the mountain and sat down in a place that would make it easier for what was to come. The disciples and the crowd probably hadn’t given much thought to where Jesus chose to stop, but Jesus did. He had a plan for all of it.
Finally, I noticed that Jesus gave thanks before he distributed the food. He is reminding us that we should always start from a position of gratitude for what we have, before we allow Him to multiply it.
So today this story, which I’ve heard a thousand times before, taught me
- Jesus knows what’s coming and He has prepared me for it.
- I need to start with gratitude.
- God can take what little I have and multiply it into more than enough.
As I was writing this today, the governor of Virginia announced that school closed for the rest of the year. I want to tell you that I had taken these lessons to heart so I was fine with it. But the truth is as soon as my husband came home from working in the basement, I drove to an empty parking lot and cried for half an hour.
This is hard, guys. We know that Jesus is not surprised by the coronavirus and it’s still hard. We are grateful for all the blessings in our lives, and it’s still hard. We will give God everything we have and let him multiply it, and it’s still going to be hard.
I’m going to keep spending time in God’s Word so He can remind me of these truths:
“Behold, the hour is coming, indeed it has come, when you will be scattered, each to his own home, and will leave me alone. Yet I am not alone, for the Father is with me. I have said these things to you, that in me you may have peace. In the world you will have tribulation. But take heart; I have overcome the world” (John 16:28-30)
