Being a Good Enough Mom
I had four babies in five years – the first three are boys. I get a lot of “You sure have your hands full!” and “You made it out the door with 4 kids? You must be SuperMom!” While the first one is definitely true, I can promise that the second one is not. I’m just trying to find my way through this one day at a time, along the way finding lower standards and more love than I ever thought was possible.
But there are some things I do well as a mom. Not perfectly, of course, but there are things I’m proud of teaching my kids. Most importantly, we talk about God and how much He loves us. One Easter morning, as I stumbled over some words during the blessing, my 4-yr old told me, “Mama, you made a mistake, but that’s ok. Jesus died on the cross so even when we make mistakes we can still go to heaven”. At that moment, it felt like I was doing something right. I point out things my kids do well and encourage their strengths. One day I had an early morning meeting at their school, so I left them notes in their classrooms with specific things that made me proud of them. Those boys cherished the notes and saved them. I let them problem-solve and create independently without stepping in to “fix” it or do it for them. If they spill the milk getting their own cereal, they can clean it up. If their clothes are shoved into their drawers without being folded, they can wear them wrinkled. They’re learning.
*Whew!*
Y’all, that was hard. Really, really hard. Writing about things I do well felt like I was doing something wrong – as if I was breaking every rule of good manners ever. Saying it without qualifiers or jokes doesn’t come easy to us, does it? It’s so easy to see and talk about the ways we don’t measure up. Today I’m writing about things I don’t do well and how that’s absolutely ok. But before that, I want you to stop. You are not allowed to finish reading until you make a list of things that you do well as a mom. Everyone’s list will be different – maintaining a tidy or organized house, feeding them healthy meals, being active with them, spending individual time with each child, reminding them daily that they are loved, having a chore system so they learn independence, patiently helping with homework, establishing consistent routines and bedtimes, supporting your children in their activities, protecting family time in your schedule, being involved in their schools, sports, or activities… there are many things that you do well, so stop. Write them down, say them out loud, and put them in the comments RIGHT NOW so I know you did it. (I’m writing about parenting, but if you don’t have kids or want to tell me about things you do well in other areas of your life, that’s all good too)
Ok, you did that, right? I hope so. You may continue reading now.
There are also things I need to work on to be a better mom. My inability to keep up with laundry hinders my home running as effectively as it should. My lack of organization not only sets a bad example for my kids, but makes it hard to find the things when we need them. I could use some serious work on patience and consistent discipline (I imagine about 90% of moms would say they should work on this).
So there are a handful of “mom things” that we’re either doing well or need to work on. Most of it, though, falls in the middle. This is where I believe we need to be ok with being “good enough”. We all have different areas where we have to embrace the “good enough”. Mine is any activity that involves making things pretty. I’m basically a walking #Pinterestfail meme.
Let me be clear about this: we’re all going to have different strengths, weakness, and good enoughs. You might enjoy and have a gift for creating beautiful, fun activities for your kids, so do it! They will have wonderful memories of a mom who cared about them enough to make everyday special. There are lots of ways to make your children feel loved – work to your strengths and trust that’s enough.
Just to prove that I’m practicing what I preach, here are some examples of “Sarah trying to be Pinterest-y”
I found some rainbow bubbles on Pinterest. Don’t they look fun?
Nailed it.
A year later, that memory faded enough that I attempted cloud dough…
Which was, once again, an enormous success.
Clearly, crafts aren’t my thing, but Jesus is, right? Pinterest tells me to display Bible verse for my kids like this:
Mine look like this:
And, of course, there’s my most famous Pinterest fail to date. I got this super cool train pan mold for Christmas and my kids wanted a train cake.
“Of course!”, I said, “What kind do you like?”
“Chocolate!”
Yeah. That happened.
But here’s the thing. My kids don’t care. They LOVE it when I do pretty much anything with them. They had fun with the rainbow-colored wipes and the dough crumbles, they are learning Bible verses, and the cake was delicious. The only person who cares that it doesn’t look amazing is me. In all my years with kids, first as a kindergarten teacher and now as a mom, I’ve learned that most of the “extra mile” we do is for us, not them (which is ok if you love it!). Not only will our kids be ok if we are a “good enough” mom, they will thrive because they have a mom who has more time to be with them – listening, talking, and really getting to know them. I can 100% guarantee you that your kids would rather have a mom who gets things done “well enough” rather than one who is constantly stressed and busy trying to do everything perfectly.
Mamas, I wish you could see yourself through your child’s eyes. You would see a magical superhero princess.
When you play basketball, they see Michael Jordan.
When you do crafts, they see Martha Stewart.
When you sing, they hear Aretha Franklin.
When you cook together, they see Julia Child.
When you hang a picture, they see Joanna Gaines.
When you play pretend, they see Tom Hanks.
When you answer their questions, they see Albert Einstein.
Every time you just show up to be with them, they feel loved, secure, and important.
So keep showing up, Mama. “Good enough” is more than enough. It’s everything to your kids.
*An earlier version of this post originally appeared on Winchester-Moms here.*